sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
