I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
