I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
