Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
