Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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