Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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