I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
