When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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