Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
