You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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