How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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