so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
