Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
