We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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