How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
