It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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