This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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