I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
