I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize