His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
