I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
