dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
