just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
