I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
