I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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