I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
