My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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