i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea