i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
is wine microwaveable?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
