True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
