and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
