And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
