My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
