White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
