I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
