If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
