If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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