I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
