going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
