Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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