MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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