What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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