I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
