how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
