The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Can I color on your dick again?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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