i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize