i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
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I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
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