thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He better not be in your backpack
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
pray to the hookup gods
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
