Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
