I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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