Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
