you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
