do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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