If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
