Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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