I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
