I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
