I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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