I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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