If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
