Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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