after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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