Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
