Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
