I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My feet surprised me
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
