My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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