This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Someone signed my nipple.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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