thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
