Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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