I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
