If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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