we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
