No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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