we're blogging at a bar
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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