remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
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she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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