this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.