so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜