I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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