I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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