This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
