The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
