Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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